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Sunday, January 20, 2008
daddy came back yersterday! ;DDD bought loadds and loaddds of disc. but none which i wanted >:( lols. he didnt bring a rose back as requested by me! =D anyway, we went to newly opened terminal3 to see whats there. it was like a mini shopping mall there. veryyy nice..!! candy empire was having opening sale. i bought chocs! =DDDD cherry liquor chocolates. YUMMM!      lol.. the "fan" above, was made by me =Pp. cus the other day dad chased us out of the room and punished us to sit in the study room without fan and aircon. windows were not opened as well. so made a BIG FAN lol. quarrelled with mother again. she thinks it's about handphone bill. yes, i admit that i was abit pissed off when she said she wanted to deduct pocket money to pay for my bill.. but it's her words later on which hurt me even more. when she was scolding brother for whatever reason, she said that i was an idiot who didnt understand and appreciate all that she has done.. like wtf can. how did she know that i dont appreciate her doings. and later on, she said im selfish. so what now? after nearly 16 years together, im nothing but a selfish idiot? fine, if thats what you think about me, then theres nothing more i can say. you made me so bloody confused.. when you are in a good mood, you treat me so well. but when you are in a bad mood, im like dirt to you. so tell me, what am i exactly to you? i dont need you to act like an hypocrite, cus you suck even more that way. tell me exactly what you think of me, dont need to complain about me behind my back. i hate it this way. you said i was an adult and i should be able to control my limits for the bill.. if you are treating me as an adult, give me full financial freedom, give me the freedom i want, stop intefering with my life. dont treat me like a kid or an adult as an when you like. becauase i dont like it this way as well. and lastly, if only you know how much your opinions and words matters to me. because its what you say that matters the most.. i wouldnt care much about other people opinion as much as yours. so what you said about me, really caused a huge impact on me. when you said if any of us feel unloved in this family, we can walk out anytime. as a matter of fact, yes, i do feel unloved. because everything i have done, its as if nobody knows. take yersterday for example, i told you i wanted to take an mrt train home so that the 4 of you can take a cab back... and you read too much about it and said that im being rebellious. what the hell is this? then when i tried all means and ways to improve the relationship between my brother, he said i didnt love him enough. like hello, amongst everybody including myself, i love him to death okay. i would die to keep him alive. i was just being strict so that he wont end up like me, being a stupid addict to the computer, wasting my life away. i know how it feels to be restricted, but thats the only way. i bought sweets for him every now and then. his present for bday was the most expensive gift if compared to those i gave in the family. but for my sis, i dont see what she has done. and for my sister, yes, every now and then i did talk my heart out with her. but ever since school started, i feel as if we have drifted apart. i cant stand the fact that she ranks everybody. i mean yes, everybody ranks people. but isnt it heart wrenching if you rank your friends above your own BLOOD SISTER? i agree that i have a very high jealousy level. but the truth is, i want to be at least above your friend. you make me want to create another genocide. and the first person i would kill is, SIYING. and because i rank as well, i have placed you above ALL my friends. in fact, its just right after bryan. you can doubt or whatsoever, but thats a fact. i envy those who can talk their hearts out with their mother. i envy those whose mothers are like a friend. and i often ask myself, why cant my mother be like theirs.
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